FAMILY AND MARRIAGE: Handling the green-eyed monster (2024)

“Oh, beware, my lord, of jealousy! It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock the meat it feeds on.” — Shakespeare (Othello)

“Wrath is cruel, anger is overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy?” — Bible (Proverbs 27:4)

Jealousy is referred to as the green-eyed monster in Shakespeare’s play "Othello." The tragic play ends with the death of Desdemona, killed by her jealous husband. Jealousy has been a primary driver for sorrow, and sometimes tragedy, in many fictional, and more often than not real, accounts over the years. Maybe it’s happened in the lives of some we know, and maybe even our own.

According to a Pew Research Center survey, 23% of adults whose partner uses social media say they have felt jealous or unsure of their relationship because of the way their partner interacts with others on these sites

Although the concern in this column is the impact of jealousy on marriage, jealousy plays a part in much of society today. Consider some of the definitions of jealousy from online dictionaries: “suspicious or fearful of being displaced by a rival; showing extreme cupidity; painfully desirous of another's advantages; upset and angry because someone that you love seems interested in another person; unhappy and slightly angry because you wish you had someone else’s qualities, advantages, or success; fearing that someone you love loves someone else or is loved by someone else.”

Dr. Gary Chapman tells of a wife who came to see him about her jealous husband. She had to sneak out of the house just to get to his office. Her husband monitored her every movement, her every phone call, her every expenditure. His jealousy was stifling. She had given him no reason to be jealous, but that didn’t matter

Two questions come to mind. How does one deal with jealousy towards his/her own spouse? How does someone deal with a jealous spouse? Some relationship “experts” suggest jealousy can have some positive benefits, i.e. it causes one person to focus more attention on the other. Consider what the primary book on relationships says about jealousy. Of course that would be the Bible.

A little research indicates the only time a person has a right to jealousy is when they are jealous for the Lord. In other words, jealousy is justified as we focus all our love and devotion on God.

Consider what the Apostle Paul says to the Corinthians: “I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy. I [Paul] promised you to one husband, to Christ, so that I might present you as a pure virgin to him.” Any other kind of jealousy in the human realm is driven by our sinful tendency to put ourselves first. It is pretty clear that there is only one who has the right to be jealous, and that’s God. God is jealous when someone takes something that rightly belongs to Him and keeps it for himself or gives it to another.

As we have noted many times, God created us “to glorify Him, and to enjoy Him forever.” Hopefully none of us will say (at least with a straight face) that we were created so others could glorify and enjoy us. That may be a attractive sentiment, but it won’t go very far; it soon clashes with the next person we meet, and especially our spouse.

Godly jealousy wakes us up at night to intercede for a lost loved one. Godly jealousy motivates us to confront a sinning brother or sister when we don’t want to, in order to save them from the enemy (James 5:20). Godly jealousy created difficulties and sorrows for Paul because he refused to stop speaking the truth, even when his hearers did not want to listen (2 Corinthians 5:14). Godly jealousy is love in action

“There is more self-love than love in jealousy” — Francois Duc de La Rochefoucauld

Check back with us in a week or two and we will provide suggestions for addressing the problem of jealousy — in you and others.